Assimilate this.

May 23

(Source: mercedes666, via askylineofnumbers)

[Image Description: Background is several triangles in a circle like a pie alternating from true red, scarlet and black. A robin is sitting on his perch looking to the right.

Top Text: “Work ass off for seven months straight. Start training for promotion.”

Bottom Text: “So do two other people.”]

As far as I know there’s only one spot opening up.

I want (and feel like I deserve) it so badly. Nobody else has had our pickiest keyholder tell them “Why can’t everybody be like you?”

May 21

derriuspierre:

Isaac Ekbald by Michael Elmquist

(via thehomosexuallyfrustrated)

May 18

[video]

Jadiza Dax

(Source: princessjadzia, via lesliecrusher)

May 17

(Source: panda-asian, via fuckyeahwhysoserious)

That awkward moment when someone is nice to you first so they can hit on you and get away with it…

So I get off early from work at 5am instead of 7am, tired as hell. I drive until I am about to run out of gas and I’m passing the last gas station on the way to my house. So I stop and see that while the sign light is off, the gas pumps are on and the lights inside are on.

So I go inside and ask the manager (an innocent and slightly crotchety-looking old man) if he is open, and he says he doesn’t open for another half hour, but he can help me after he finishes receiving the truck shipment in a minute and asks me if I have a minute.

I say, “Yea that’s fine, thank you,” and I wait outside at my car. He finished in a minute and waves me back into the store to give him my money for the gas.

This is where it got weird.

I walk inside and he is on my side of the counter looking at my strangely. We are the only people in the store. He says, “What’s your name?”

I say, “….I’m sorry, what?”

He asks my name again. So I tell him, “It’s Sam.”

He shakes my hand and tells me his name. I’m slightly confused but whatever I need this gas or I’ll run out on the way home and he’s being nice letting me get it before the store opens.

And then it dawns on me while he’s looking at me…..he’s hitting on me. Oh WHAT THE FUCK.

So I give him my money and try to be polite. He asks me, “Can you pump it in the dark?” and I answer as quickly as I can “I’ll be fine, thank you.” and get outside as fast as possible.

And as soon as I walk outside I realize that that was a pick up line. WTF.

I have never felt so disgusted with a single individual in my entire life. I washed my hand 5 times and used anti-bacterial as soon as I got home. I have to say, I do have to hand it to him though. That was a pretty good line, considering he had less than 2 minutes to think of it.